Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

A relationship can only remain intimate as long as both partners remain self-honest and self-aware.

Intimate love in relationships thrives on withholding as much as it does on giving.

If you help or give to the point that you feel used, taken for granted or just plain overly depleted, you smother the flame of your passion for your mate.

Letting your mate take too much of your attention, time or energy plants seeds of resentment in your heart that will close you off to intimacy in your marriage.

Help, for instance, is a wonderful gift to offer, but there is such a thing as helping too much.

Relationships with intimacy problems display passive-aggressive behaviors, including the following:

• You find yourself constantly criticizing the other person.
• You pick petty squabbles.
• You defensively argue even when you see the other’s point.
• You find excuses to stay away to be preoccupied.

These are examples of passive-aggressive relationship break-up tactics employed, usually unconsciously, to establish physical and emotional distance.

While this love advice may seem like a contradiction, we need to skillfully establish personal boundaries for a truly intimate relationship.

In most cases, your boundaries cannot be crossed without YOUR cooperation.

Relationship advice to release more intimacy in your marriage: pay close attention to recognize when you are helping, giving, or doing too much for your mate.

When that happens, don’t blame your mate for allowing you to give too much or for taking too much. You are responsible for establishing your own natural, comfortable, healthy boundaries for intimacy in your relationship.

Being more aware of what YOU are doing releases your inner relationship wisdom to guide you in setting limits.

When it comes to setting limits on what you will give and what you will accept, your own intuitive feelings are all you really have to go on for the best advice.

A relationship can only remain intimate as long as both partners remain self-honest and self-aware. Then you can establish personal boundaries that protect and permit intimacy to blossom.

Receive your FREE Relationship Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Stable marriages that are happy involve two individuals living in harmony with their respective True Selves.

To find the right person for you, be authentic.

We can define authenticity as the harmonious marriage of your personality to your True Self.

Your True Self consists of the ultimate will that drives you and your deep awareness of the truth.

Before you can successfully marry another, your personality must be harmoniously wedded with your True Self.

Your personality consists of the personal qualities you express to the world.

The personality more flexible than the True Self.  It’s more malleable.

Personalities go through changes over the course of life. We often express opposite personality qualities in different situations.

Even in a SEEMINGLY intimate relationship we can convincingly pretend to be what we are not… at least for a while.

(To enjoy genuine intimacy, though, you need to be in an honest relationship with an authentic person.)

The qualities of your True Self do not change; they remain permanent.

A lasting, harmonious relationship requires each individual living true to his or her True Self. Otherwise there is no real relationship permanency.

Stable marriages that are happy involve two individuals living in harmony with their respective True Selves.

To find someone who is right for you, you need to first be happily married to your True Self.

The secret to achieving this “inner wedding” is to stay in touch with your deepest feelings.

When you consider a choice, look at your deepest feelings. If the choice is not right for you, often you can feel a sense of blockage, disconnection or “relationship break up” with your True Self within.

Your feelings tell you when you are being authentic; they also tell you when another is being authentic.

The individual who is in touch with his or her True Self wastes little or no time trying to build a relationship by trying to seem to be someone else, because if your True Self is not “good enough” you will never know real happiness in that relationship.

“Seek and you will find” is a true life-principle that applies to your quest to find the right person for you.

Looking for people who express superficial personality characteristics will lead you into an unfulfilling relationship that lacks real intimacy.

Seek a person who feels in harmony with your True Self to find your True Love.

Receive your FREE Relationship Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Happy, loving people attract happy, loving people and build beautiful, lasting relationships.

Sometimes we presume that we have a “relationship problem” when what we really have is an emotional problem.

I recently did a relationship counseling session with a young woman who said that she has desperately wanted to be married with children for many years (she was around 35 years of age).

Her happy relationship dream has failed to come true though, and each year she has grown more and more unhappy with her life because of that.

She complained that the single guys she has had brief relationships with invariably turn out to be “jerks” very quickly.

A little exploration into her relationship history revealed that she had a pattern of angry rage when she felt let down by her boyfriend that soon culminated in a relationship break up.

Here is the relationship wisdom that attempted to share with her.

The longer we blame our circumstances or other people for our unhappy outlook, the more deeply engrained our pattern of unhappiness grows.

This means that we feel HABITUALLY unhappy,no matter what happens in our lives.

Your attitude and emotional reactions are NOT dependent upon whether or not you have a loving relationship.

But if you believe that enjoyment of life is impossible unless you have a mate who lives up to your expectations, you condemn yourself to a sorrowful plight.

In addition, as long as you express this emotionally dependency, you really cannot attract or find a positive, emotionally balanced person to bond with.

Emotional negativity will REPEL emotionally healthy people and ATTRACT people who are emotionally weak and unreliable.

The way to marital bliss begins with developing your ability to live in unconditional love and joy.

Happy, loving people attract happy, loving people and build beautiful, lasting relationships.

Take your first step in this direction by taking total responsibility for your emotional reactions and the attitudes toward your life and toward the people in your life.

Then patiently and persistently work on living with more trust that whatever is happening, as you also trust that as long as you remain open to receive the great relationship you want, it will come.

As you develop your ability to live in unconditional love and happiness, your “relationship problem” will disappear.

Receive your FREE Relationship Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

“This was the modern woman understanding how to cope with the reality and new rules of the modern family.” - Robert Bookman on Nora Ephron (Photo Courtesy: thedailybeast.com)

“This was the modern woman understanding how to cope with the reality and new rules of the modern family.” -  Robert Bookman on Nora Ephron

When Harry Met Sally, You’ve Got Mail and Sleepless in Seattle – many of us have seen these films, loved the stories, admired the clearly etched positive characters, the beautiful, touching relationships they portrayed and their happy, romantic endings.

Nora Ephron – the filmmaker, Oscar-nominated screenwriter, journalist and director who crafted these films knew how to make viewers feel good about watching a movie
and leave the show with a thought “What if I was in a relationship like this….”

Personal life

It is not that Nora Ephron had a trouble free life. She had her share of ups and downs in her personal life. She married thrice. Her first marriage to writer Dan Greenburg lasted for nine years. Her second marriage to investigative journalist Carl Bernstein in 1976 had a tumultuous end after she found out about her husband’s extra-marital affair.

But a strong woman that she was, she emerged from her personal problems. She wrote a novel – Heartburn in 1983 based on her personal life experiences. Three years later, the novel was adapted into a film starring Jack Nicholson and Meryl Streep.

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” ―Lao Tzu

Having faced relationship problems in her marriage relationships, she deeply understood the need for positive, caring relationships in our lives. The strong, sure and confident women characters in her films aptly convey how we can turn negative experiences into positive with our own response to the problem.

Not surprisingly, her films enjoyed worldwide success as who doesn’t like to watch a beautiful, loving relationship take shape among ordinary people with whom you can identify instantly. She won a BAFTA Award for Best Original Screenplay for box office hit- When Harry Met Sally. She was nominated thrice for the Academy Award for Best Writing in original screenplay.

During the years that she worked in the movie industry, she made her mark as a strong and modern woman who carved a niche for herself in an industry mostly dominated by men. She never let personal setbacks come in her way of living her life the way she wanted to.

After two failed marriages, Nora Ephron finally found the true love of her life – screenwriter Nicholas Pileggi. She was married to him for more than 20 years until her death parted them.

Nora died on 26^th June, 2012 at the age of 71. She was undergoing treatment for acute myeloid leukemia.

Her life inspires us to believe in true love. When you believe in yourself; no matter what the circumstances are and no matter how the world perceives you; you attract positive experiences and positive people in life.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

When you attempt to communicate with someone you may find an open, pleasant “circuit” that seems to effortlessly link the two of you.

To enjoy happy, healthy relationships you need to know how to reach people.

Reaching someone occurs naturally; it’s an organic process.

Difficult people are not necessarily unreachable. It just requires more patience and skill for building relationships with them.

When you attempt to communicate with someone you may find an open, pleasant “circuit” that seems to effortlessly link the two of you.

When this happens, it means that you and the other are “ripe” for relationship building or for a pleasing communication experience.

Just as ripe fruit comes off the vine without effort, “harvesting”another person’s understanding, agreement and cooperation happens easily with the relationship is “ripe” for it.

Ripeness for smooth communication means that what you have to say and the other person’s receptivity meet at a peak level.

But in other instances you may come up against a feeling of struggle and strain, a feeling of a broken relationship rather than a building relationship.

Just as the need to struggle to pluck fruit indicates that the fruit is not yet fully ripe, relationship conflict or struggle indicates that for whatever reason, the relationship is not yet ripe for the particular kind of cooperation that you are seeking.

A sense of disconnect is not necessarily a sign of a hopeless relationship – it is often just a sign that a more patient approach to relationship building is called for.

As it is wise to delay harvesting fruit until it has ripened on the vine, avoid impatient pushiness to force you want from your relationship.

Resistance is often an indication that you are attempting to make something happen faster than the natural ripening process permits.

If fear drives you into perpetuating a power-struggle against another person, you are actually in a relationship conflict with the organic ripening process and end up reaping the bitter fruit of butting heads.

To reach people successfully, avoid a self-defeating struggle against nature’s timing.

Instead of becoming pushy, ease up.  When you feel relaxed, calm and secure, consider small, easy steps you can take to gradually build your relationship along a path of minimal or no resistance.

For more ease and success in communication and relationship building trust in and cooperate with the natural pace of the ripening process.

Receive your FREE Relationship Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Whatever YOUR relationship issues might be, paying more attention to YOURSELF will reveal your way out of strife and into peace.

Even the best relationships have problems.

Sooner or later, even if you start out believing that you are with your soul mate, relationship issues inevitably arise.

As hard as we work to resolve our issues, though, typically very little progress is made.

Despite relationship counseling, most often, we just learn to live with what we don’t like about the relationship, or we leave and learn to live without it.

There is an alternative.  Here is some free relationship advice that you really can count on to resolve your relationship issues:

Regard any issues you have with another person as entirely self-created.

Recently someone who knew that I do couples coaching approached me at a party to request some free marriage counseling right there on the spot.

Because I love what I do, I was happy to engage in the conversation.

“Exactly what sort of marriage help are you looking for?” I asked.

“Can you me to save my marriage?”

I said that the best I could do was to try, and invited her to give me a brief account of her marriage problem.

She proceeded to run off a laundry list of issues, including, “He doesn’t communicate.  He treats his work as more important than our relationship.  He’s always late. I’m always kept guessing about what he is thinking, if he really loves me, if he even cares about the relationship…”  The list went on.

When she ran out of issues, I offered her this bit of free couple counseling:

“While you believe you have a problem with marriage, you actually have a thinking problem.

“All this thought focused on what is wrong with your mate keeps you from recognizing how you are being wrong for your yourself.

“Stop wondering about your mate and focus instead on being better toward YOURSELF.”

“But I’m lonely and married,” she complained, her eyes welling up with tears.

“Again, that has to do with your relationship with yourself.  Loneliness is actually a sign of being disconnected from ONESELF.

“The next time that you catch yourself wondering or worrying about your husband, immediately refocus your attention onto yourself.

“Notice how your thinking is impacting you. If it makes you feel married and lonely or uncomfortable in any way, instead of trying to control your husband, exercise more self-control by letting go of that train of thought.”

Whatever YOUR relationship issues might be, paying more attention to YOURSELF will reveal your way out of strife and into peace.

Receive your FREE Relationship Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

The signs of true self-expression include feelings of self-confidence, security and liberation. To the extent that you express your real self in the now, you feel in love with your life.

Here is a simple secret for a happier relationship: be more authentic.

You might believe that you are already totally authentic, a pure expression of your true self.

But to the extent that you conflict with your mate, or engage in a contentious power-struggle with your child, your boss, your co-worker, or with a client, you are actually in conflict WITH YOURSELF.

Whenever you experience any dissatisfaction in any relationship, the real cause is your unconscious departure from being your true self.

The most basic relationship wisdom-solution to any relationship problem is to improve your connection with who you truly are. To more completely discover and express your true self is to feel more content and fulfilled.

Stop trying to figure out what is “wrong” with anyone else, or what is “wrong” with your relationship.

Concentrate on being more true to yourself to feel centered in peace, harmony, and joy.

The signs of true self-expression include feelings of self-confidence, security and liberation.  To the extent that you express your real self in the now, you feel in love with your life.

The next time that you feel annoyed with your mate, or disturbed by anyone else for that matter, focus on getting more clearly and deeply in touch with your own true self.

Stop complaining about what another person did that you dislike and instead think about who you truly are.

It might help to silently ask the question: “Who am I?” over and over, with your mind open to what comes up.

Don’t answer the question intellectually by thinking about personal information, like your sex, your name, your job, your family role.

Just direct your focus of attention within in a relaxed, unstrained effort to gradually, more and more deeply uncover the mystery of the true you.

Persevere in this quest of watchful inner openness until you gradually feel a growing, expanding, strengthening sense of clear inner knowing.

This practice attunes you to the wise inner guidance that constantly flows from the core of who you really are, dissolving all sense of conflict as you feel yourself being more and more truly yourself.

Only false and superficial notions of the self lead us into conflict.  More authenticity is the secret for a happier relationship.

Receive your FREE Relationship Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.
Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

Relate in a calm, confident, natural, harmonious way and your relationships will work out wonderfully.

Every relationship is a wisdom school.

Whether you are involved in a moment of intimacy in your marriage, or a 3 minute business meeting with a client, there is always a higher purpose that brings two people together in the now.

Even dealing with a break up gives you an opportunity to learn and to grow.

If you focus on what you can learn while experiencing, say, a problem in communication in your marriage, you will find yourself well served by your effort.

In business relationships, as in personal relationships, you have an opportunity for self-improvement, and as you improve yourself, you improve your life.

As you work on forging a genuine bond of love with everyone, including difficult people, you strengthen your ability to build trust in a relationship and you create alliances that will support you on unseen levels.

Relationship compatibility takes care of itself when you remain compatible with your true self.

Often those who desperately want to know how to save a marriage would find their marriage improving if they stopped working so hard to save it!

Relate in a calm, confident, natural, harmonious way and your relationships will work out wonderfully.

Whatever form of relationship you are in, be it a friendship, a business or a romantic relationship, don’t PREtend, INtend.

Know what you intend to accomplish.

Before each encounter, think about what you want to achieve.  Think about the outcome you really and truly want for the two of you.

To improve communication in relationships, for instance, before you connect with a person with whom you have a communication problem, spend some time thinking of the way you want the communication between you to flow.

Envision yourself speaking and listening calmly and confidently.  Imagine a wonderful bond of loving harmony and understanding blossoming between you.  Imagine the two of you better off because of the time you spent together.

Here is how to fix a relationship: fix your inner vision on the way
that you really want the relationship to flow.

Waste no effort trying to coerce or force another to cooperate with you in any way.

Remember that every relationship is a wisdom school teaching you how to achieve all that you want in life.

Receive your FREE Relationship Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.
Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.

To attract wonderful people and to enjoy great relationships maintain your emotional balance in response to other people.

While most people look forward to falling in love, it is at that crucial beginning point of a new relationship when many of us need relationship help the most.

When you “fall” for someone and slip into emotional desperation due to your high hopes for that new relationship, your emotional chaos risks a break up.

This is because emotionally reactions “de-magnetize” our power of attraction.

Whether it is a romantic relationship, a new business relationship, or even a very promising friendship maintaining your emotional balance protects your positive attraction power.

No matter how high your hopes may be, no personal relationship can really improve your life.  Your destiny is determined by YOU.

To attract people who are really right for you, you have to be really right for yourself.

The more you genuinely respect yourself, the more genuine respect others will show you.

The more truly kind and caring you are the more kindness and care you bring out from others.

Getting very excited because you think that someone will make your most precious dreams come true actually lowers, or may even entirely eliminate, the odds of those dreams coming true.

This same principle of attraction applies when you react with strong negative emotion toward someone.  When you very feel angry, frustrated or resentful, you lower your power to attract positive, loving individuals.

Just as no person can really “save” or rescue you from your problems, no one can really undermine your good fortune or sabotage your success – no one other than you.

In fact, while you worry about how another person may be working against you, you are working against yourself by worrying about that!

To attract wonderful people and to enjoy great relationships maintain your emotional balance in response to other people.

Receive your FREE Relationship Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.
Wisie Members: Please feel welcome to share your views in this blog regarding any of the Wisie videos, and to ask questions about how to make the most of them.