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Wisdom Articles > Love and Relationships Advice
A Cure For Arguing
By  Bob Lancer

For success in any area, including love and relationships, focus on what you want, instead of reacting against what you don’t want.

If you argue much with your mate, the cause is rooted in fear.

We argue because we fear NOT arguing, and we fear NOT arguing because we feel threatened in some way.

The next time that you feel tempted to argue, try envisioning what you want that your mate seems to be threatening.

For instance, if you argue about money, it is because you fear that unless your mate agrees with you, you will end up in some kind of financial difficulty.

But while you argue your creative power of vision is actually focused on what you do not what to happen.

You imagine that the problem is your relationship. The advice that you need, though, is to focus on improving what YOU are doing relative to your goals. Specifically, envision yourself being financially successful.

If you argue about parenting, envision yourself with a great relationship with your kids.

When you feel tempted to argue about, you fear losing something.

Whatever you worry about losing, the more anxiously you argue the more you are likely to lose, because fearful thinking attracts more of what you do not want in your life.

So some of the best advice for relationships is this: Stop arguing and start intentionally visualizing what you want.

We argue the love out of relationships when fear is running us.

No one really LIKES to argue in emotional strain. So here is an alternative:

  • Realize that arguing is a choice
  • Accept total responsibility when you make that choice
  • When you feel like arguing, choose to something you like doing more

Your mate may argue with you, but you do not have to engage in the strife.

Here is the first step to employing the relationship advice that will free you from unhappy arguing: If your mate lures you into a stressful argument or screaming match, regard that as an indication of a weakness in yourself.

You don’t like to argue. And you don’t HAVE to argue. But as long as you regard your mate as the cause of what YOU choose to do, there will not seem any way out of arguing.

Most likely, while you argue, you blame your mate for the communication conflict.

But if you would simply redirect the focus of your attention onto what YOU are doing to cause yourself this misery, you will find that you can improve your experience.

By focusing on what you want instead of on what you fear, and by paying closer attention to how you get yourself caught up in a painful argument, you can free yourself from relationship strife.

While in the heat of an argument you might believe that all you care about is persuading your mate against his or her will. But what you want far more than that is to experience the fulfillment of love. Relationships become torturous when WE CHOOSE arguing.

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